Sink Me!
by Vest-Button
Summary: Yes, it's still here. The PotCScarlet Pimpernel crossover. But now we're naking a small interlude, into "The Pajama Game!" Reviewers get "Thank You" notes, but not until next chapter.
1. Madame Gallows

Yes, you heard right. It's a Pirates of the Caribbean/Scarlet Pimpernel fic. Yes, it's weird. Hopefully, it will be original and funny. However, this is my second fanfic, and my first attempt at comedy.  
  
I don't think you have to be familiar with Pimpernel to like this fic, but it'll be funnier if you are. Also, I doubt you will regret familiarizing yourself with it.  
  
Disclaimer: I wanna own the Pimpernel! Sadly, I don't own him. Or any of the Pirates, or anything you may happen to see in this fic.  
  
That said, ON WITH THE SHOW!!!! ----------------------------  
  
The sun beat on the island. No, I don't know what it beat the island with. A crowd had gathered in the town square. In the center of the square was a gallows. Not just any gallows, though. This one was painted magenta. Turbulent music was coming from the sky, for some reason.  
  
The crowd was made up of very well-dressed people. Shinning from their eyes was the light of insanity. Further analysis has lead to the belief that the obvious craziness was caused mainly by the candy store that was located near the square. In various corners, particular nuts and hyper people were leading the mob in song.  
  
Suddenly, and without warning, Commodore Norrington (it's a POTC fanfic -- someone has to be there) leapt up onto a conveniently placed soapbox, and began to sing (The crowd was, at this point, too hyper and distracted to realize that a singing Commodore was a very bad thing).  
  
Norrington: iI know the gutter  
And I know the stink of the street.  
Kicked like a dog,  
I have spat out the bile of defeat.  
All you beauties who towered above me  
You who gave me the smack of your --- /i  
  
[No!!!!!!! Stop!!!! Bad Norrington, bad! This is not in character! You were never poor! And you were never smacked by beauties!!]  
  
Norrington's face spread itself into a pitiful pout. "You mean I don't get my cool song?" [You'll get more, you're Chauvelin in this parody! Besides, this is an anti-pirate riot, not anti-bourgeois! If you've noticed, your audience is bourgeois.]  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
Meanwhile, the mob, undeterred by the scolding the Commodore was experiencing, had begun belting:  
iSing! Swing! Savor the sting  
As she severs you - Madame Guillotine/i  
  
[STOP! Where do you see the guillotine? There is no guillotine! All I see is a magenta gallows.]  
  
"A very pretty magenta gallows," cut in Norrington. "I painted it myself!"  
  
[Nice.]  
  
The crowd, however, was growing restless.  
  
"Can we sing about Madame Gallows, then?" asked one man.  
  
"Yeah!" said the crowd. (Which brings to mind the question of why "crowd" is singular, when it seems as though it should be plural)  
  
[Can you think up a song for it?]  
  
Silence.  
  
[Why don't we not sing. Norrington, why don't you give us some narration.]  
  
Norrington: Eh?  
  
[Tell the nice reviewers what's going on.]  
  
"Oh," said Norrington, as he turned to face you. "Well, the pirates are bad. We hate them. Nasty, dirty, people. They stole my wig. So We, the People of the Caribbean States, have decided to rise against them. Down with the dirty pirates!"  
  
Here, our little friend burst into a long, maniacal laugh.  
  
And the author decided to end the chapter.  
  
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So, um, review? Please? All reviewers get free buttons! Also, I won't continue if you don't. Norrington will never get his special songs.  
  
I know, typically you only get reviews if you review other people's stories, and I haven't reviewed your story.  
  
Still, you see the button. You can push the button. Please? Criticism is okay, but please no profanity.  
  
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V Look at the pretty Review Button! Push the pretty Review Button. 


	2. The Madness Continues

Chapter Two. Yes, she's continuing.  
  
In this chapter: The secret of the inevitable, Scarlet Pimpernel-esque estrangement, as well as the introduction of Elizabeth's long-lost brother, Arm-Band!  
  
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Elizabeth and Will stood on the battlement of the tower, looking out. Their adventure was over, Jack was safe, and Norrington had decided to let them marry. Now they were about to exchange their first kiss.  
  
Governor Swann looked at the happy couple and sighed. They looked rather cute together, but Will had no taste in wigs. He simply had to make sure that his daughter would be happy with the young sword smith, so he asked her just that.  
  
Elizabeth sighed melodramatically, and said, in typical heroine fashion, "He's not a blacksmith. He's a pirate."  
  
Governor Swann contentedly walked away.  
  
Meanwhile, Will had just realized that his fiancé had called him a name. He'd been too busy kissing her before, but now...  
  
"I am not a Pirate!" he shouted, as if trying to convince everyone on the island of that fact.  
  
"Will, calm down. That was meant as a compliment. Also, I thought that you'd gotten over that."  
  
"Just because I respect them as people doesn't mean I want to be one..." his voice was quickly turning into a childish squeak.  
  
[And the image of Will squeaking is very amusing]  
  
"Hey, shut up!"  
  
And off they went again, arguing, name-calling, and generally being immature about, well, name-calling.  
  
Eventually, both of them got sick of this. So Elizabeth strode off in what has been called a high dungeon. How she can be doing this, when everyone knows that most dungeons are underground, therefore not high, is anyone's question. Also, that phrase makes the dungeon sound like a type of vehicle...  
  
[Narrator, dear, STOP NOW!]  
  
While she was striding away in her brand new High Dungeon(tm) something bizarre and unusual happen.  
  
All at once, violins from and unspecified location began playing. Will opened his mouth as though to sing....  
  
....And the authoress quickly fled the location.  
  
But Elizabeth did not turn around. Instead she wandered through the streets of the town, feeling depressed and miffed. Now and again, she would sigh a breathy little heroine-in-destress sigh (you know, the really irritating, Mary-Sueish one). After a while, though, she felt less sad, and began to pay more attention to the window displays. She still sighed now and then, but that was just for dramatic effect.  
  
Eventually, she became so caught up in a display of hats that she forgot to look where she was going. Consequently [I love that word], she ran into a man. The man was a well-dressed stranger, a man whom she had never seen before. He seemed to know her, though.  
  
"Elizabeth Marguerite Swann!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Do I know you?" she asked, after gasping breathily.  
  
"You mean you don't know me, Arm-Band, your long-lost brother?" his expression clouded with sadness, until he began to look, well, like a cloud. "We were separated at birth, don't you know. I've the last few years looking for you, in stereotypical lost-brother fashion. And I was bored!"  
  
"How do you know that you're my brother?"  
  
"Ummmmm..."  
  
[Plot convenience]  
  
Both of them rounded on the quthoress.  
  
"But that is so stupid," quoth Arm-Band.  
  
[Quiet!]  
  
"No!" cried Elizabeth.  
  
Then the sounds of Will singing ("Prayer," of course) began to fill the air, as the authoress resorted to coercion in order to get the characters to obey her.  
  
[Mwahahahaha.]  
  
Needless to say, the characters returned to their places, and Will stopped singing.  
  
But by this time the characters had forgotten what they were supposed to do.  
  
"What are we supposed to do?" asked Arm-Band.  
  
[Well, now that there's that nice little romantic estrangement between Mar- Elizabeth and Willcy, she spends her wedding-night with you, in order to avoid facing her angry, um...]  
  
"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Marguerite. "Wedding-night? Are we married yet?"  
  
[Ummm.... Yes, of course!]  
  
"This is just another plot device, isn't it," everyone on the street said this, in what must have been pre-rehearsed unison.  
  
[Yes. Now be quiet.]  
  
And so, with the presence of the nice little romantic estrangement between Elizabeth and Will, she (Elizabeth) spent her wedding night with Arm-Band, her newly-found long-lost brother. And everything went as the author had planned.  
  
[Mwahahahaha.]  
  
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Wow, I got two reviews!  
  
LunarianPrincess: It's humorous? Really? Yay! You are the first reviewer. *Gives buttons*  
  
Zath Chauvert: Thanks for the long review. I was scared when I saw it, though, because they're typically criticism. No, I won't be cruel to Norrington! I love him! He's wonderful. Like Chauvelin. That's why Norrington gets to be him! Also, I'm not going to totally stick either to the book or the musical. Basically, if there's something in either that can be made funny, I will! Yeah, Governor Swann is going to be Robespierre, but he's also going to be Price of Wales: I can see him as a fop.  
By the way, you're the author of all of the cool SP fan fiction, aren't you? I love "Lost in Her Bed." 


	3. Into the Fire

Chapter 3:  
  
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Disclaimer: If it belonged to me, why would I be posting my stuff here? So, no, it's not mine. Not "The Scarlet Pimpernel," not "Pirates," not The Badger Song, not any other random bit of insanity that may appear in the following. I'm just the one who's blending them together in the magical fan fiction Insanity Smoothie of DOOM(tm)!  
  
A/N: No pirates were harmed in the making of this story.  
  
With that note, On With the Show!  
  
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Captain Jack Sparrow stood on the bow of his gorgeous, if weather-beaten, ship, the infamous, fearsome, deadly, beauteous, majestic, et cetera ad infinitum Black Pearl. He was mad. No, he wasn't crazy (well, maybe he was). He was furiously angry -- at his crew, at the world, and at Norrington. Because of a recently-discovered leak in the ship, they were to land at the port of New Havana. Not that he minded landing there, he'd get to see his friend Will's hat collection, as well as being on land, around women. However, this prospect was ruined. You see Chau-Norrington had been fiercely on the lookout for pirate ships. So, in order to disguise the Black Pearl, Jack's crew insisted, they must paint the ship a new color. To Jack's dismay, the chosen color was to be magenta, as it was Norrington's favorite color. This, of course enraged Jack. It was the Black Pearl, for goodness' sakes, not the Magenta Pearl!  
  
Eventually, though, an agreement was reached. The Pearl was to be repainted, to a light, masculine pink. "Masculine!" Jack had exclaimed. But, apparently, many of the crew had come from the continent of Europe, where pink was a masculine color.  
  
To top all of this off, the crew had 'temporarily' changed the name of the ship. No longer the Black Pearl, it was now the Pink. Also, someone had 'accidentally' painted over the 'l' in Pearl. Now Captain Jack Sparrow was the captain of the Pink Pear.  
  
So, Jack was very angry.  
  
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Will looked out over the ocean, into the sunset, allowing tears to melodramatically fill his eyes. For the last several months, he had not been on speaking terms with Elizabeth. This, however lead to problems, particularly as they were inexplicably married.  
  
Since the last installment, many things had happened in their convoluted lives. For some strange reason (possibly influenced by the authoress's lack of ideas and need for a plothole), Elizabeth had turned in a few pirates to Norrington's newly- formed, anti-pirate Committee of Public Safety. By this time, Will had recovered from the insult, and was returning home to her. With his usual lack of luck, he'd found out about the turning in of the pirates, and now became guilt-stricken and angry about that.  
  
In other words, the home of Mr. and Mrs. Will Turner was not exactly full of bliss.  
  
But now, William H. Turner, the One and Only, had a plan. Dun dun dun. Da- Dun. A plan that would cleanse him of guilt, besides turning him into a regional star and being just plain fun. He would become a heroic quasi- superhero, and begin to save the pirates from Norrington and his Committee (now to be known as the CPS).  
  
Now, though, he needed backup. One can't be a heroic quasi-superhero without, at least, a sidekick. Preferably a large group of sidekicks.  
  
This was why Will was so overjoyed when Captain Jack Sparrow floated the Pink Pear into the harbor.  
  
And that was how, shortly later, Captain Jack Sparrow & Co. found themselves sitting in the library of the Swann house (despite their cooling relationship, Will still managed to bury the occasional hatchet, particularly because it allowed him to live with Elizabeth--and the governer's mansion was a nice place). Also, it almost explained the expressions of disbelief and doubt of sanity that were spread across their faces: Will had just laid out his plan.  
  
"Pieces of eight," croaked Tom's parrot, unconcernedly, in the midst of an awkward silence.  
  
More moments of awkward silence followed before Jack finally decided to clear his throat loudly, and say: "Will, you've done it. You've finally done it."  
  
"Done what?" asked Will, hopefully. Maybe now he was going to get the praise that he'd deserved all this time.  
  
Or maybe not.  
  
"You've cracked, Will, you've finally cracked. You know," he drawled drunkenly, as per usual, "all these years, I've expected you were not all right up there," (he patted Will's ponytail for effect) "but now you've finally gone completely bonkers, haven't you."  
  
So much for the long-deserved praise. Will heaved a sigh common among the ill-used.  
  
"Pirates," he pleaded, "what's so weird about it?"  
  
More awkward silence.  
  
And so it was that Will opened his mouth and began to whine.  
  
"Vest-Button," he yelled, "this is getting nowhere."  
  
The authoress promptly informed that that was his problem. She was busy.  
  
But he persisted, claiming not to know what to do.  
  
[Then make something up.]  
  
"What?!!!"  
  
[I don't know. Sing.]  
  
"Sing?"  
  
Some of the pirates looked up at this. Their faces filled with apprehension.  
  
[It is a musical parody, after all.]  
  
"Okay," said Will, as the introduction began  
  
and the authoress decided to type at least some of the song out  
  
because she couldn't think of anything better to do......  
  
So.....  
  
They sang about David walking into that one valley with that one stone, Which is supposed to be a metaphor for our boys facing insurmountable odds Because they have to stand up to the CPS Because the world is saying not to, which tells them that, BY GOD, They know they've got to Keep marching (Left, left, left right left, roll those feet, oops, was that the roll-off?)  
  
[Before too long, the authoress's head began to fill with images of Douglas Sills hanging from that rope....]  
  
And it's higher and higher and into the fire They went!  
  
[.....but she continued, wiping drool form the keyboard.....]  
  
Into fire.... Onward ho!  
  
[And then she stopped, for now.]  
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Wow. This is not a deadfic. I'm so proud of myself.  
  
I think that the next chapter will be coming shortly, because I think that I have an idea....  
  
Nebulia: Oh my gosh. You put me on your favorites list! You're the first person, besides my posse, to put me on their favorites list! I feel like a legitimate author now.  
  
sweet775: Thanks for reading this. I didn't advertise it because I know you guys aren't familiar with it ... and confusing parodies aren't very fun. Too bad about the picture... I wonder if anyone has photo manipulation software....  
  
Tooey: I am very proud to be the cause of such a happy-making fanfiction viewing experience! I've never seen the musical or the movie, but I've read the book and own the OBC (Terry! Doug!), so I think I'm an expert, right? Just kidding. I actually am writing this because I had a moment of inspiration, and thought that it was original. :D  
  
Review................ 


	4. Proud to be in the Pajama Game

Chapter 4!  
  
This is a slight interlude, as we take a bit of a break from "The Scarlet Pimpernel," and give random homage to another, even more obscure musical, namely, "The Pajama Game."  
  
Disclaimer: Neither the Pirates of the Carribean characters, nor the song "Hey There" (from "Pajama Game") belong to me. Gosh darnit.  
  
And now, I guess, we continue with the show.  
  
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The League has set out, fully armed and (almost) dangerous, to save pirates from the dreaded CPS. Now there is nothing to do until the Pink Pear- mobile reaches its undetermined destination, where the real adventure will, supposedly, begin. Will and Jack are using this time to catch up on the events of the past year.  
  
Jack has, of course, now heard (through the course of the conversation) of Will's tormented marriage, so he has decided to give him some marriage councilling, while throwing a musical number into this musical fic.  
  
Therein lies our tale. -----  
  
Jack: _Hey there, You with the stars in your eyes_  
  
Will: Who, me?  
  
Jack: _Love **always** made a fool of you   
You know you should be more wise_!  
  
Will: (pouts)  
  
Jack: _Hey there, You on that high flyin' cloud_  
  
Will: I hear ya. Wait, I'm on a cloud?  
  
Jack: (Just to be overly dramatic here,)  
_Know she won't throw a crumb to you  
You think one day   
She'll come to you...  
  
Better forget her...  
_  
Will, getting the point and begining to sing: _...Forget her...  
_  
Jack: _Her with her nose in the air  
_  
Will (now he's harmonizing! The authoress is proud.): _Her with her nose in the air!  
_  
Jack: _She has you dancing on a string  
_  
Will: _A puppet on a string!_  
  
Jack:_ Break it and she won't care!_  
  
Will:_ She won't care!_  
  
Both:  
_Won't you take this advice  
I hand you like a brother?   
Or are you not seein' things to clear?  
_  
Will (singing to himself): _Are you too much in love to hear?  
Is it all going in one ear  
And out the other?  
_  
(Lights go out, and the poor authoress at the curtain tugs on the rope, trying to get the thing to claose, but due to budget cuts, it won't go.)  
  
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My high school recently did a production of "The Pajama Game," and I teched for it. That means that I was a stagehand/technician/random usefull person. It also means that I now "The Pajama Game" (at least the version of it that we did) inside out, upside down, and backwards.  
  
So it had to have a spot in my fanfiction world.  
  
Not to mention that our production was actually very good, and deserved some kind of memorial.  
  
Notes to reviewers will occur _next_ time. But they will occur!  
  
One note about Jack, though. He's not going to be any one of the Baroness's characters (ie Tony, Dewhurst, etc.) None of them really fit, do they? So he'll just have to be Jack, himself. I'll do what ever I feel I need to do with his character. He may have roles similar to those of the Baroness's characters, but he won't _be_ those characters. 


End file.
